Top 8 ways to improve your sex life

(crossposted from Facebook)

8. Shriek into your partner’s nether regions. If this is something you already do regularly, try varying your volume, pitch, and timbre.

7. Automate as much of the process as possible. Set calendar reminders. Use IFTTT to synchronize a remote-controlled sex toy with your email inbox. Replace yourself with a robot.

6. Light candles. More candles than that. More. That’s it. Leave a single break in the circle.

5. Wear everything.

4. Attend a silent meditation retreat. Meditate until you can no longer remember your partner’s face.

3. Blockchain.

2. Do more things together as a couple. Apply to Y Combinator together. Slap Paul Graham in the face together. Howl at the moon together.

1. Steal a boat and sail as far away from civilization as you can in a day. At night, look at the stars with your entire body. Weep.

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